Don’t call it a comeback

I probably should have given in long before tonight.  Actually, the more I think about it, I probably should have never let it get to this point in the first place.  But sometimes you just don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.  I know that my intentions were good, at least in theory.  Eliminate the “distractions”, focus on “more important things”, and catch up on “the rest” later.  And to think…it only took me five-and-one-half months to realize just how dead wrong I was.

Anyways, I will say this about the past five and one-half months: I’ve never worked harder in my life.  I’ve put everything I have into my professional pursuits, and I’m proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish.  Have I attained my goal(s)?  Not quite, but this isn’t me waving the white flag.  Rather, this is simply the next step—perhaps the one I’ve been missing all along—to me finishing what I started eighteen long (and yet, so incredibly short) months ago.

Nearly six months ago, I went off the grid…which in this day and age simply means that I deactivated my Facebook account.  Nonetheless, the deactivations of the blog and The Book were never meant to last as long as they have.  I had a vision—a fool-proof plan for success—and it failed.  But I guess that’s the biggest thing I’ve learned about “life” since graduating college…that you just never really know what’s going to happen next.

The sometimes-harsh reality of life is that sometimes it’s hard just to find something to count on.  I can’t count on being out of work at 5:30 pm every day or that I’ll pass my next exam, or even that my apartment won’t get broken into tonight (I honestly can’t remember if I locked the door, but I’m already in bed and don’t foresee myself getting up to check).  And yet, all of that is perfectly fine, because I do have one thing that I’ve always been able to rely upon: My outlets.

No—not the shopping outlets.  I say that jokingly, but I can’t help but wonder if some of your minds drifted to the sale racks in Wrentham upon reading that.  Regardless, this blog has been a large part of my life since I first began constemplating in September of 2010…perhaps an even bigger part than I ever realized.  It has been both an activity and an ally, providing both enjoyment and a confidant alike (Yeah…we’re on that level).  And yet, by shutting down constemplation, I removed myself not just from my blog, but also from something far more important…

My friends.  The people who, despite months of neglect, continue to be nothing but encouraging because they know how much it means to me. The people who I’m always happiest to be around.  The people who, when push comes to shove, are always in my corner.  And the people who, whether they realize it or not, will always have me in their corner as well.  And yet inexplicably, I’ve been trying to do this alone, when the driving force behind any and all success that I’ve experienced in my life has been those people who matter most to me.

And so…we’re back.  Me.  The blog.  Even the Facebook account.  And to think, all this time I thought I was cutting out “everything else” to focus on the “important stuff”.  As it turns out, I had it backwards all along. I realize now that there’s nothing (and I mean nothing) more important than the people that I am so truly thankful to have in my life, and I’m looking forward to any- and everything that lies ahead.



01:11 am: constemplation